Homer Simpson Quotations

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  1. Oh it's red wire to red wire, what idiot dreamed that up.
  2. What's the hub-bub? Did Moe finally blow his brains out?
  3. I hope you learned your lesson Lisa, never help anyone. (on being tricked by Mr. Burns recycling plant)
  4. (Madge - Did you spend our life savings on a motorhome.) Of course not. I spent our life savings on the down payment of a motorhome.
  5. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  6. Heh heh heh. Oh Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.
  7. To alcohol! The cause of- and solution to- all of life's problems
  8. What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
  9. (imitating Mr. Burns' "Excellent" while auditioning to be Mr. Burns): "Exactly...d'oh!"
  10. It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
  11. GYME? What's a GYME? (Sees Gym) Oohh, a gyme!
  12. To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
  13. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
  14. I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute
  15. Ah, beer. My one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will.
  16. Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
  17. If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.
  18. I throw myself on the mercy of the Food Court!
  19. Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
  20. This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete ass of myself.
  21. That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
  22. My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay.
  23. God bless those pagans.
  24. Curse you, magic beans!
  25. What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here, anyway.
  26. Ahhh sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it ?
  27. Ah, good old trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
  28. Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.
  29. Lisa, I can't imagine anyone could be more likeable than you. But apparently, this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way
  30. Ah, Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.
  31. I can't live the button down life like you. I want it all. The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors. oh, I'll never be the darling of the so called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson ?"
  32. Operator, Give me the number for 911.
  33. Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks ! And talk about a preachy book ! Everybody's a sinner ! Except this guy.
  34. I voted for Prell to go back into the old glass bottle. After that I became deeply cynical.
  35. Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

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